Nightclub with a toddler?

Deep down I knew it was a bad idea from the start. As my brother put it: “A nightclub at 11am, a crowd of kids under seven and a bar serving booze, what could go wrong?”

Last weekend we took a trip to stay with my brother and his wife in Edinburgh where the festival was in full swing. With six of us in a fourth floor one-bed city centre flat it was going to be cosy and if they were thinking of starting a family anytime soon, I think they have changed their minds.

Anyway, after scouring the programme of children’s shows I eventually decided to buy tickets for Baby Loves Disco. Set in one of the city’s nightclubs and promising DJs spinning tunes, nappy changing stations, a spread of healthy snacks, a chill out room and a bar, it seemed like a winner.

Both my daughters love a bit of a boogie and watching them and their crazy moves is always good for a laugh.  They usually resemble something like a robot having an epileptic fit. Besides this was the nearest I was going to get to a real nightclub anytime soon.

But as we joined the snaking queue outside and my youngest aged almost two was already pulling me in another direction, I started to panic as all these toddlers were funnelled underground into a confined space.

Of course, having bigged them both up as loving to dance, as soon as they set foot inside and saw the flashing lights in the darkness amid the loud music, of course they froze.

At least we weren’t the only ones. There was a handful of enthusiastic parents shimmying about on the dancefloor to YMCA with their all-too-cool toddlers looking on from the sides as if they were thinking “stop embarrassing me dad,” like they were at a family wedding.

The girls chirped up once they sniffed out the biscuits and juice so at least, I thought, they could get their entry fee’s worth of food.

The sugar rush seemed to help get them warmed up and everyone had a brief bit of a dance.

We even ordered a drink at the bar. The whole thing was very well run and I can’t fault the organisers. As well as the healthy(ish) snacks, there was also a lady doing “cheek art” and a musicbugs session, but to be honest it all felt a bit weird.

I guess no child, not even a toddler, wants to be seen in a club with their parents. The time will come soon enough when they will probably be sneaking out of the house to blag their way into a bar, I don’t think they need their mum dragging them at three.

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