12 things I’ve felt guilty about this week as a mum

A new study has claimed that working parents are riddled with guilt – but that we needn’t worry as all it takes is 12 minutes to “reconnect” with your child. But I think it going to take a bit more than a few question about their day to rid me of my mountainous remorse.

Is it just me or does having children somehow give you a new found ability to feel guilty about anything? I don’t remember amid the endless lie-ins and selfish consumerism of pre-parenthood being dogged by this constant sense of self-reproach.

In response to those psychological experts at Ribena and their 12 Minute Manual. I have thought of 12 things I have felt guilty about this week. What are yours?

1. Scraping my screaming child off me into the hands of an inanimate nursery nurse = guilt I am not staying at home to look after my child and am not going to be there when she cries.

2. At work I find for an hour or so my guilt has drifted out of my mind and I actually enjoyed my job = guilt that I forgot about my guilt

3. Get home and dish out a dinner of fish fingers and frozen veg = guilt I have not already defrosted a home cooked meal or had the slow cooker on all day.

4. Off work with the kids = guilt that by 9am they are already doing my head in and I wish I was at work

5. Partner gets home and starts hoovering = guilt I am a rubbish mum/wife and should have done this already.

6. Spend the morning cleaning while kids mope around = guilt I am not giving the kids attention.

7. Cook up a delicious home cooked meal for family dinner when hubby gets in = guilt I am not being a feminist, am letting down womenkind and should have been out pursuing the career I worked hard for instead of letting it go down the pan by going part-time and watching the younger employees overtake me in seniority, grrr.

8.Kids claw at my computer and crawl all over me asking to do some typing too = guilt I am being selfish enough to blog about guilt

9. Daughter didn’t get invited to nursery birthday party = guilt I should be making for of an effort to mix with the mums

10. Look over at my daughters and they are hugging and laughing – why am I complaining? = Guilt that I don’t deserve these precious little people.

11. Go on a rare night out and ring home and daughter of course has been sick. Continue drinking, have amazing time, massive hangover, have spent a fortune that I could have put in the girls trust fund = guilt.

12. Know I need to live in there here and now, seize the moment, not waste my life with ‘what if’s’, enjoy what I have, relax and chill out = guilt that for some reason I just can’t do it!

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The stress of primary school admissions

toddlerschool

I often find it difficult to reach a decision on such mundane dilemmas
such as what to have for dinner, so I pretty much neared meltdown
earlier this year when I had to decide which primary school to choose
to apply to send my daughter.
It seemed incredible that I was even in this situation at all. Wasn’t
she only just born a few years ago? How was it already time to start
school?
Following the advice I read the Ofsted reports and booked in a couple
of visits. What an eye-opener. Having not stepped inside a primary
school in several decades, I just couldn’t believe how many of the
little mites are packed into a tiny classroom. How a teacher manages
30 kids when I can’t entertain two for a day is awe inspiring.
None the wiser I wrote down the pros and cons and bored everyone
including myself with my quandary. Was I losing perspective? It’s just
a primary school for goodness sake. But don’t people move home,
discover religion, lie, invent siblings or special needs just to be
nab a spot at a “good” school? So it must be a serious business.
Last week, I found out, along with millions of other anxious parents,
whether we had been offered a place. All I can say is what a massive
stress. I was very lucky, my chosen school was not very over
subscribed and therefore I had a pretty good chance of getting in. But
when the day finally arrived on Tuesday and by mid afternoon I still
hadn’t heard I was starting to sweat. Had I actually submitted the
online form in the end? Was I going to find myself home-schooling my
daughter? I had a peek at some online parent forums to see how others
were getting on. Big mistake. What a world of agony. It was awash with
phrases such as “biting my nails off” “baited breath” “frenzy” and
“worst nightmare”.
I read the tale of one mum who had been offered the “19th primary
school away from us” that was graded unsatisfactory by Ofsted.
Another told how her son had not been offered a place in his sister’s
school and she now faced a double school-run everyday.
The whole choice-based process does seem a bit needlessly cruel. But
 then, after all that, I read an article claiming that the most important
determining factor when it comes to how well a child does in school is
parental involvement. So, I guess, even if I’ve passed the first
stage, my work is not done just get.

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